Wednesday, January 28, 2009


*images from tumblr

watched ' Rachel getting married' and keep thinking about it..i must say Anne Hathaway's acting is good in this movie.. after seeing this movie i realise there's a Kym(played by Anne) in everyone of us..cuz we are all addicts..who is to say when we call a person an addict..he/she must be a drug addict or sex addict?..we can be addicts to almost anything and clothes love even..its so wide no?..but there's another reason why i say there's a Kym in every-one of us..and that is everyone of us long for the people closed to us, be it family or friends, to be understanding, to able to forgive, to be there when we are messed up,to support,to just be there..but usually the people closed to us are not..often they are the ones who disappoint..yes i can understand why Kym feels her problem is the biggest..yes i can understand too why she craves for attention the way a child craves for sweets..and yes i know why she found it very hard to forgive herself..she can't let go and there's no one she can really open herself this whole guilt thingy just pulls her down-wards deeper and deeper..

yes i do know it's exhausting to hear about the same old thing over and over..and many of us have this thought ' why should i help him/her when he/she don't wanna help him/herself?'..yes its true only we can help ourself..but have it occur to you that all of us just need a helping hand a listening ear?..isnt it thats why we are given two ears?..have you thought about that?..i guess not many have or bother to..cuz no-one wanna be around a sad/depressed/messed up person..

no im not saying people who are sad/depressed/messed up are right..what im trying to say is why is it many can't be more patient with them?..why is it they just want you to recover so-called in a blink of an eye?!..why is it they have to or must give you a time frame to recover to get back on your feet?!..why?..and when your time frame is up they just drop you just leave you just abandon you like you are some kind of garbage..

yes i know to get help the first thing you have to do is to open say what exactly it is that is bringing you down..but do you really know how one feels when after he/she opens up, he/she is being dropped being left being abandon?..

have you thought about that?...

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


*images from tumblr
just few pics here..yeah i know i know..the pics i post are mostly about love love and more love lately..oh well..i will try to come up with a poem soon..but no promise ok?..
its lunar new year.. lots of food and snacks to eat..yours truly was down with flu 2 days before lunar new year..which wasnt any fun cuz i couldnt go out..had to rest at home and became a couch tomato U___U;..spent 3 days watching endless tv programmes or look at lovely pics from tumblr or lost myself in those amazing blogs..everytime i come across these blogs i wonder how do they do it?..their blogs are really cool and stuff..yeah i think my blog is boring(few call it emo) could put you to sleep..
speaking of sleep..i have been having problem sleeping lately..i don't know why or what cause this i thinking too much?..i seriously don't know..and im actually thinking of getting sleeping pills but i don't know is that a good idea..i really don't know..i have tried almost everything but none mind just refuses to bring me to dream-land..tell me what you think ya..

Friday, January 23, 2009


hAve you ever reach out for help or ask for help only to be ignored? have you ever just want some-one to listen really listen only to be ignored? have you ever want need support from your family or friends only to have them throw unkind hurtful words at you?..i have..
yes often i wonder why am i born to face all these..wonder often why am i being born at all..yes i do know what hurts you wont kill you it will only makes u a stronger person..all these i know..i just dont know how much i can take before i FINALLY break down..
honestly does any-one even care at all if im gone?..

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


iF some-one asks you 'why u love (insert name)?' what would your answer be? you need a reason to love some-one? must there be a reason?..when you love some-one it just happens no? is love..must there be a reason?..must there be 1001 reasons?..must there really have to have a reason?..

no i'm not ok i admit i'm not..and seriously i don't know what to do..i have been paranoid very paranoid and i don't like the paranoid happened before and it's happening again..i'm breaking down and have no-one to talk to cuz friends are tired of listening to my 'i'm so sad sorry ass' whinings..and it's ALWAZ about the same thing..alwaz about this thing call love..

i know many would say i'm being weak emotionally and yes i admit i am..i know many would say i'm stupid foolish hopeless..yes i am too..i really don't know why i'm whining here and maybe it's not a good idea to..i don't know...i'm not trying..i'm finding it hard very hard to let go move on..there's no-one to help me except

i have said too much..say too much..

is honesty really the best policy?...

Sunday, January 11, 2009



Closing the blinds turn away
vanishing into the darkness
hissing loudly feel the silence
eating me grabbing me tightly
invisible blood bleeding
nothing to stop it bleeding

Closing the blinds turn away
wings broken listen as i fall
watch me as i scream out loud
invisible blood bleeding
visible hurt playing

Closing the blinds once again
black ghosts waiting
in their capes waiting

Saturday, January 10, 2009


tHey say pictures paint a thousand true..
1.Each blogger must post these rules first.
2.Each blogger starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
3.Blogger s that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their 8 things.
4.At the end of your blog,you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.
5.Don't forget to leave them a comment,telling them that they've been tagged and to read your blog
i've been here goes:
1) i've a sexy small pillow which i talk to
2) i've an utra messy mind
3) i dun look my age
4) love to read/write but think my english isnt good enough
5) people say im emo n i duno what that means
6) im stupid like really really stupid
7) im hopeless when loving some-one
and lastly...
8) im one insane/boring/stupid person
im not going to choose any-one so im juz goin to tag every-one and any-one who read my 1st birthday gift is a tag..who knew..thkx WhiteForest for taggin me...
hAppy biRthday to me....
this is so damn pathetic...

Sunday, January 4, 2009


hOpe all had a good start in 2009..2008 didn't end well for me n it wasn't a good start in 2009..even until now and its only the fourth day of a new year..there is a decission i have to make but i know very well i won't be happy making it..and it's not up to me alone...i can only pray i would know the answer ASAP..