0245

-is it wrong to love some1 with ur heart rather than ur brian?..do u even need or must have a reason when u love some1?..y mz there be a reason!?..y its so wrong to love whole heartly?..yes i dun understand..i dun..is it cuz by lovin some1 whole heartly u'd brin him unhappiness?..u make him sad rather than happy..due to some reason?..why?..

they like to say i think too much..why cant i juz stop thinking..why im alwaz so sad?..why i cant be happy?..what-ever ppl say to me have effect on me..i cant pretend i dun feel anything..i cant pretend im not effected..i cant pretend 2b friends with u on the surface..but at the back stab u like crazy..i have horns n tail..but im not that evil..there are reasons why i stop talkin to certain ppl..but i wont go round tellin every-body..is that why ppl tend to constantly misunderstand me?..i duno what have i done/say to make ppl feel this way..and i dun understand why some gals juz enjoy makin me sad..yes its my fault..i shouldnt bother with their nonsenses..i shouldnt care so much..but im juz me..i cant pretend their words have zero effect on me..i cant..

telling me not to think is a tall order..i'd have given up on him long time ago..if i can give up..i cant..i really cant..

*my apologises for forgetting where i got the pics from*
*really love the 1st pic*

0200

-am tryin very hard not to talk bout him now..its hard cuz miss him..miss his smiles his laughter his voice his everything..which is why im here..writing..pourin my heart out..not totally..very very soon hes leavin..goin back home..whether hes stayin or not..no1 knows..cuz hes not telling..but i seriously dun think he will..he wont stay for any1..he has his thinking..has his plans..i cant make him stay..knowing hes not happy here..dont wana force him to either..i just want him to be happy..if he goin home..not comin back here anymore..means he'd be happier..i have to let him go..dont i?..its not what i want..but i dun want him 2b unhappy staying here either..confusing i know..

u may say'why not u come back with him?..'yes why not?..but who am i to?..its not that i dun want to..i do..but who am i to?..

i dont even know would i see him again after he goes back home and not comin back anymore..i really dont know..its not cuz i like to think bout this..and make myself sad..of cuz i'd think..as the time is drawin very near..as im feelin im losin some1 very important in my life..

im scare i wont see him anymore..im scare this is it..im scare of losing him..im scare the more i love him/care for him..the more irriated he'd be(though i know hes not this kinda person)..

im scare...

im not ok.. cant let go..but i have to..have to let u go back..go home..ur home-sick they told me..u miz home..miz the life back home..even though u kept tellin me..u more or less made up ur mind..to stay or not..its not confirm..but the feeling u gave is 99.99% u wont stay..

i suppose u wont know im feeling im losing something very important with u leaving..'u have to fight for it'..some1 said..have i been fighting for u or i've been fighting way too hard?..i really do not know..

im sorry if i had cause u unhappiness all these while..im sorry u havent been happy..ur very important to me..i know im not to u..am i juz a passer-by?..have i been tryin hard enough?..

so much to say to u..not enough courage to utter them words out..to u..i duno r u still willing to see me again b4 u leave..i duno once u go back..will i ever see u again?..

i do love u..and not once i regret it..
plz stay..dont go....