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-am tryin very hard not to talk bout him now..its hard cuz miss him..miss his smiles his laughter his voice his everything..which is why im here..writing..pourin my heart out..not totally..very very soon hes leavin..goin back home..whether hes stayin or not..no1 knows..cuz hes not telling..but i seriously dun think he will..he wont stay for any1..he has his thinking..has his plans..i cant make him stay..knowing hes not happy here..dont wana force him to either..i just want him to be happy..if he goin home..not comin back here anymore..means he'd be happier..i have to let him go..dont i?..its not what i want..but i dun want him 2b unhappy staying here either..confusing i know..

u may say'why not u come back with him?..'yes why not?..but who am i to?..its not that i dun want to..i do..but who am i to?..

i dont even know would i see him again after he goes back home and not comin back anymore..i really dont know..its not cuz i like to think bout this..and make myself sad..of cuz i'd think..as the time is drawin very near..as im feelin im losin some1 very important in my life..

im scare i wont see him anymore..im scare this is it..im scare of losing him..im scare the more i love him/care for him..the more irriated he'd be(though i know hes not this kinda person)..

im scare...