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Doll

A crippled doll
no-one notices no-one sees
her heart keeps tearing
as thousands feet step on it
not seeing not noticing

A crippled doll lying
motionlessly lying here
she is crying
her heart breaking
can you see her?
can you hear her?
do you even notice her at all?

Silent tears crying
giving him all the love she has
with nothing but a broken heart left
she fell lying here
her heart still calling out to him
from the thousand pieces shes calling

cant wait for Bat For Lashes's new album 'Two Suns'..listened to three songs from it moment ago..love 'Glass' and 'Sleep Alone'..am sure the new album will be awesome..heres two Bat For Lashes music videos..'Daniel' is the single from 'Two Suns'..

i know my posts lately been sad and all..honestly i duno when i will be ok or the fact will i be ok..i duno will it be ok..i would like to believe things will resolve on its own..but i really duno what to believe anymore...or ever...

2157

Red And Black

Red moon rising

this river inside flowing

swimming drowning in it

cant help myself

Red moon turns black
frozen this river black
drowning still
i turn pale

Black moon stays
it wont go away
cut out my heart

held it in my hands
bit by bit
piece by piece it breaks

Black wind whispering
black moon howling
i stand
watch pieces of my heart blown away

' have i been blind?
have i been lost inside my self and my own mind?

hypnotized mesmerized by what my eyes have seen?'

these words from Abundance describe the state im in..

yes i had been blinded and perphas still is..blinded by love..the thing is its my fault..im not siding him..no im not..i had been wrong..what i thought had been wrong..its my fault..mine alone.....

0105

i will never forget what i saw on 20 Feb 09..will never forget how deep you hurt me..all these times its my fault my alone..it took me so fucking long to know i had been NOTHING at all to u..took me so long to know these two years i loved you mean NOTHING to you...yes everything is my fault..EVERYTHING..i duno how to love you..i think too highly of myself..its my fault i thought things were FINALLY ok..not knowing i was wrong..so fucking wrong...

i hope you are happy now..REALLY happy now you hurt me real deep..you broke my heart again...

yes its my fault ok?..everything is my fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0134

am loving these music videos by Bat For Lashes..dark haunting creepy mood set in these songs but in a beautiful enchanting way..sure hope the next album will be releasing soon cuz i cant get enough of the songs!..

EN

This is me
are my words entertaining nonsenses
have they hold no effect on you?

Here i am
uttering those words to you again
im talking too much yet again
havent i?

This is me
have me lock inside with these walls
lock me up so you wont hear me speak
entertaining nonsenses to you
over and over

Quick
lock me up
lock me up and throw away
the key

wrote this poem awhile ago..its 1:22am here and i cant sleep..having an unrest mind lately but who cares really?..no its not work im stress of..i dont care so much about work anyway..it would be so much easier if im physically tire cuz i would be a'rite after having enough sleep/rest..but im not tire physically..no..and i cant reveal why here..fuck i cant and dont reveal to anyone now..cuz i know well what will they say..same old words they will throw at me..

i dunno what else is there to do or say anymore..cuz i have gone and said too much..and i cant help but ask myself 'did i really try?..did i really fight for it?..or ALL i ever did is whine and think of myself?..' yes i know its worth it despite many told me its not and im stupid thinking other-wise..yes i admit i am stupid..im the most stupid person you would ever come across..no im not joking..i dont have a stable mind at all..

im not this sweet quiet emo(what-ever fuck that means) gal..i dont even have any idea who i am..

1802

been feeling dreamy lately not knowing why..took me a long time finishin this wonderful memoir 'Eat Pray Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert..its one hilarious honest good read..and soon it will be made into a movie starting Julie Roberts..can't wait for it!!..you would start to question about your life after readin this memoir..

am listening to Rachel Yamagata..love 'Be be your love' 'Worn me down' 'I want you' and 'Elephants'..wish i have her voice..sorta deep and dreamy..i really hate my voice!..sigh..



anyway heres a poem i wrote..do tell me what you think of it..its rather different from my past poems i think..thankx for those sweet sweet comments and taking time to read..i truly appreciate it..


A Song

Scented flowers flowing by
speaking to me asking why
a fairy came on by
resting on my shoulder asking why

A language far away i speak
none knowing what it means
flowers and fairy shook their heads
to words unknown i speak

Up on my feet i rise
down into the lake i dive
water fairy holding out her hand
a scented flower on her ear

Open my eyes all were gone
laying on the grass is me alone
a soft unreal singing i hear
a song in a language so far away

0234

*pics from tumblr

just share some pics..i do love black and white pics do you?..often i wish i talk in the same way as i write..i mean im not a good or interesting talker..if you know what i mean..i dont really talk much..and its so much easier for me when i write..i might come back later with a poem..not too sure yet..my mind is in a mess again again..