0150

-is it such a big sin i commited loving him so much?..why do some gals just enjoy making me feel upset/sad/miserable?..what is it about me that they simply love spreading rumours about me?..did i steal something precious in their life?..did i kill their family?..no..so why?..

few days ago i just gotta know about a rumour about me..it started spreading one year ago!!..if the ones spreading are just normal staff..i couldnt care less..but this time round..it was a supervisor and manager who spread it!!..yes both are best of friends..its ok they dont like me..cuz the feeling is mutual..i seriously duno what these two ladies are trying to do..what are their motive for spreading rumours about me..why they cant mind their own business..i really duno..

all i do is loving him..whats so wrong about it!?..im not harassing him..im not bothering him..so why?..why do these two gals enjoy doing what they do?..

*1st pic via the animal blog
sorry..4get where i get the 2nd pic*...

0200

dear L,

maybe ur not aware ur hurtin me..maybe u dun care at all..i really duno..whether u do what u do on purpose..jus to see my reaction..i jus wana tell u..plz stop hurtin me..

ever since ur back..i dun really wana see u again..but fate has it..i was bein transfered to the same shop as u..no..i didnt wana be in the same shop as u..but i cant say no..

have u ever think how i feel..knowin from others u patched back with ur X..n even engage to her?..have u ever think how this news affected me?..hearing it from others made it even worst..i gues u dun care at all..i should've believed what they said..when they told me..u'd patch back with her..the day u went back home..instead i chosed to believe u..simply cuz u said u wont etc etc..n now look what i got myself into...

why did u wana come back?..why bother to come back still..since u have long chosen her..u told them..u didnt feel happy at all.. ur engaged to her..u told them..it was an act of impulse..why is it until now u still lie to urself?..she is the only one u love..u cant let her go at all..why did u come back?...

i shouldnt come into ur life..i shouldnt join this company..what u used to say is right..u n me shouldnt know each other...i shouldnt fall for u..u n me shouldnt be so closed previously..

is it my fault now i still cant let u go?..is it my fault i still love u alot?..yes i know im the one suffering..yes i know u dun care at all how i feel..is it best i jus turn my back..leave this company n work somewhere?..

is it best i turn into bubbles..n be totally out of ur life?...

*4gotten where i get the pics*

0132

-Can time really heal..or it makes the memories clearer?..its only now i realise he felt guilty the day he broke up with her..because he didnt want to let her go at all..so its only natural he patch back with her..and even engaged to her...it doesnt matter to him..hurting me..cuz all these while..im nothing to him..why then i still cant let him go?..why do i still feel upset/jealous..when i see other gals fightin for his attention?..i already know all along she is the only 1 in his heart..why should i even bother now?...

-feel much unappreciated at work..every manager likes staff to lick his/her boots..every manager protects boots-lickers..unfortunately i dont sugar-coat my words..and when im piss off..i show it..which explains why the upper management dislike me..so what im being told im hard-working?..they prefer staff who smiles..act happy everyday..so tell me..whats the point?..im too tire on all these shit....

*sorry..4get where i get the pics...*

2339

-guess im not suitable to love some-one..or even develop feelings for some-one...whenever it happens..there are sure to be gals competitng..usually i'd give up..cuz i dont like competition..whats wrong with me i do not know..guess im fated to be alone huh?..

*1st pic-black and white tumblr
*2nd pic-the animal blog

0100

-Thousands of tears falling
behind my smiles and laughter

thousands of tears hiding

thousands of tears camouflage

Its all a pathetic mask im wearing
a mask for all to see
unveil this if u dare
unveil me if u care

Them tears are falling
for u
them tears are reaching out
to u

Im reaching out to u
do u see me at all?
can u see me at all?

-when a person changed..he jz changed..no reason at all..when some1 u love changed..it breaks the heart n mind..a misunderstanding?..i dun understand him?..i duno him at all?..i dun think so...

i know my words has zero effect on him..i know he dun give a shit my thoughts my feelings..so y should i even care..even bother!?..its really none of my business he changed or not now..his words/actions shouldnt have any effect on me anymore..y until now it still do?..y until now i still bother?..y until now im still so stupid?..y until now i still love him?...

*my bad..forgotten where i got the pics in this n the previous post*

2300

-theres no word that can be describe when u realise that special some1 u love changed..when u realised that special some1 had been brain-washed successfully by others..i misunderstand him?..maybe i did..i really duno..people change..this i know..or this is the real him that i refuse to accept..simply cuz i love him?..*sigh*..

-An air-ticket took u away
an air-ticket changes it all
is this what u've been planning for all these while?
this is the ending u want
from me

Everything is different now
is it even possible to treat u back as before?
honestly i do not know

I have to stop crying
have to stop dwelling
with that air-ticket
u walk out of my life

Why come back
when your heart isnt here?
why come back
when u decided long ago
im the one u chosed to hurt

0120

i didnt thought u'd hurt me this bad..now i know..now i know what a stupid fool i've been ..for the past two years..not once i give up on u..even though it wasnt easy to hang on..and now u went n found some1..no its not your fault..u didnt give me any commitment..u didnt promise me anything..its my fault..i put myself in this..i should've known this would happen..the day u went back home..

u wont know or want to know or care how i feel..dont worry..i wont bother u anymore..i will walk out of your world myself..