Lost-sOul

0150

2010-08-25T01:24:00.002+08:00

-is it such a big sin i commited loving him so much?..why do some gals just enjoy making me feel upset/sad/miserable?..what is it about me that they simply love spreading rumours about me?..did i steal something precious in their life?..did i kill their family?..no..so why?..

few days ago i just gotta know about a rumour about me..it started spreading one year ago!!..if the ones spreading are just normal staff..i couldnt care less..but this time round..it was a supervisor and manager who spread it!!..yes both are best of friends..its ok they dont like me..cuz the feeling is mutual..i seriously duno what these two ladies are trying to do..what are their motive for spreading rumours about me..why they cant mind their own business..i really duno..

all i do is loving him..whats so wrong about it!?..im not harassing him..im not bothering him..so why?..why do these two gals enjoy doing what they do?..

*1st pic via the animal blog
sorry..4get where i get the 2nd pic*...

0200

2010-08-18T01:18:00.002+08:00

dear L,

maybe ur not aware ur hurtin me..maybe u dun care at all..i really duno..whether u do what u do on purpose..jus to see my reaction..i jus wana tell u..plz stop hurtin me..

ever since ur back..i dun really wana see u again..but fate has it..i was bein transfered to the same shop as u..no..i didnt wana be in the same shop as u..but i cant say no..

have u ever think how i feel..knowin from others u patched back with ur X..n even engage to her?..have u ever think how this news affected me?..hearing it from others made it even worst..i gues u dun care at all..i should've believed what they said..when they told me..u'd patch back with her..the day u went back home..instead i chosed to believe u..simply cuz u said u wont etc etc..n now look what i got myself into...

why did u wana come back?..why bother to come back still..since u have long chosen her..u told them..u didnt feel happy at all.. ur engaged to her..u told them..it was an act of impulse..why is it until now u still lie to urself?..she is the only one u love..u cant let her go at all..why did u come back?...

i shouldnt come into ur life..i shouldnt join this company..what u used to say is right..u n me shouldnt know each other...i shouldnt fall for u..u n me shouldnt be so closed previously..

is it my fault now i still cant let u go?..is it my fault i still love u alot?..yes i know im the one suffering..yes i know u dun care at all how i feel..is it best i jus turn my back..leave this company n work somewhere?..

is it best i turn into bubbles..n be totally out of ur life?...

*4gotten where i get the pics*

0132

2010-08-07T01:07:00.002+08:00

-Can time really heal..or it makes the memories clearer?..its only now i realise he felt guilty the day he broke up with her..because he didnt want to let her go at all..so its only natural he patch back with her..and even engaged to her...it doesnt matter to him..hurting me..cuz all these while..im nothing to him..why then i still cant let him go?..why do i still feel upset/jealous..when i see other gals fightin for his attention?..i already know all along she is the only 1 in his heart..why should i even bother now?...

-feel much unappreciated at work..every manager likes staff to lick his/her boots..every manager protects boots-lickers..unfortunately i dont sugar-coat my words..and when im piss off..i show it..which explains why the upper management dislike me..so what im being told im hard-working?..they prefer staff who smiles..act happy everyday..so tell me..whats the point?..im too tire on all these shit....

*sorry..4get where i get the pics...*

2339

2010-07-19T23:27:00.003+08:00

-guess im not suitable to love some-one..or even develop feelings for some-one...whenever it happens..there are sure to be gals competitng..usually i'd give up..cuz i dont like competition..whats wrong with me i do not know..guess im fated to be alone huh?..

*1st pic-black and white tumblr
*2nd pic-the animal blog

0100

2010-06-19T00:32:00.004+08:00

-Thousands of tears falling
behind my smiles and laughter

thousands of tears hiding

thousands of tears camouflage

Its all a pathetic mask im wearing
a mask for all to see
unveil this if u dare
unveil me if u care

Them tears are falling
for u
them tears are reaching out
to u

Im reaching out to u
do u see me at all?
can u see me at all?

-when a person changed..he jz changed..no reason at all..when some1 u love changed..it breaks the heart n mind..a misunderstanding?..i dun understand him?..i duno him at all?..i dun think so...

i know my words has zero effect on him..i know he dun give a shit my thoughts my feelings..so y should i even care..even bother!?..its really none of my business he changed or not now..his words/actions shouldnt have any effect on me anymore..y until now it still do?..y until now i still bother?..y until now im still so stupid?..y until now i still love him?...

*my bad..forgotten where i got the pics in this n the previous post*

2300

2010-06-15T22:45:00.002+08:00

-theres no word that can be describe when u realise that special some1 u love changed..when u realised that special some1 had been brain-washed successfully by others..i misunderstand him?..maybe i did..i really duno..people change..this i know..or this is the real him that i refuse to accept..simply cuz i love him?..*sigh*..

-An air-ticket took u away
an air-ticket changes it all
is this what u've been planning for all these while?
this is the ending u want
from me

Everything is different now
is it even possible to treat u back as before?
honestly i do not know

I have to stop crying
have to stop dwelling
with that air-ticket
u walk out of my life

Why come back
when your heart isnt here?
why come back
when u decided long ago
im the one u chosed to hurt

0120

2010-05-27T01:08:00.003+08:00

i didnt thought u'd hurt me this bad..now i know..now i know what a stupid fool i've been ..for the past two years..not once i give up on u..even though it wasnt easy to hang on..and now u went n found some1..no its not your fault..u didnt give me any commitment..u didnt promise me anything..its my fault..i put myself in this..i should've known this would happen..the day u went back home..

u wont know or want to know or care how i feel..dont worry..i wont bother u anymore..i will walk out of your world myself..

0024

2010-05-18T00:06:00.002+08:00

yUp im here to vent again....

more rumours are being spread now that i've been transfer to the land of big mouths and rotten tongues..its not the first time those same-old people are happily makin my boring life exciting..spreading untrue rumors around..happily passin it to other outlets..it makes me wonder..why these people simply love to mind other people business?..is it cuz their own life is way too borin..or they are 'helping' makin other people life more 'enjoyable'?..

then again..why should i care?..why should i bother?..they love to spread rumours..they can carry on spreadin til the cows come home..i wouldn't care..

1st and 2nd pic-the animal blog

forget where i got the last pic..my bad..

0200

2010-05-07T01:33:00.002+08:00

its true isnt it?..theres no1 u can really open up to when u need some1 to just listen..and not give advise..many people just love to mind other people business..and help spread it around the world..and often what they spread isnt true at all..i always believe a story has two sides..but not every1 thinks/feels that way..

i dun wana listen to anymore useless gossipings..chatterings about others..its too tiring..im not interested too..i dun like workin with big mouths..rotten tongues..sadly anywhere u work is the same..more or less..what people say kill another faster than a bullet shot straight to your heart or head..

im lookin for a way out..i want a way out..i need a way out..im just me..what is happening to this human race?..

2240

2010-04-29T22:18:00.002+08:00

i need a break a vaca BADLY..its way way past my limitations..my cup had long been over-flown for too long..its time to empty it..i need to n mz pack my bag and go..get away from all these shit..be gone..i dun wan..and cant be that strong gal every1 says i am..i am not strong..i repeat..i am not strong..im a human being with feelings too..

yes go ahead say im playin the vicitm..go ahead say im bein sensitive blah blah blah..if u knew what kind of words were bein threw at me..what would u say then?..yes i can totally ignore..cz work is work..i dun have 2 care..jz do my part..but i ask u..whats the point doing my part in work..n ppl are out 2 get u for personal reasons?..for no reason at all..jz simply 'i dun like ur face..'!?..

im tire..too tire everytime this kind of shit thing happens..im tire too tire to let blood pay blood..i dun want to play..i aint got time and energy to play..cuz im too tire..i dun want to go back my 'old ways'..it doesnt mean im good to bully jz cz i keep quiet..if u think im goin down alone when u force me to..u better think twice..cuz i promise i will pull u down with me..cuz u force me to..u seriously should think twice..once my word is out..u better watch out..

yes i can turn my back..walk away..or u rather i become the 'old' me..play this stupid game of urs..cz the more the merrier..its ur call..

1408

2010-04-03T13:54:00.002+08:00

-first part of my fav pics..love the first two pics figured here..maybe i'd do a second part third oart etc..cuz too many fav pics..

*5th pic-the animalblog.tumblr..3rd pic-google.com..4gotten the source for 1st 2nd and 4th pics..sorry..

0245

2010-03-28T02:17:00.002+08:00

-is it wrong to love some1 with ur heart rather than ur brian?..do u even need or must have a reason when u love some1?..y mz there be a reason!?..y its so wrong to love whole heartly?..yes i dun understand..i dun..is it cuz by lovin some1 whole heartly u'd brin him unhappiness?..u make him sad rather than happy..due to some reason?..why?..

they like to say i think too much..why cant i juz stop thinking..why im alwaz so sad?..why i cant be happy?..what-ever ppl say to me have effect on me..i cant pretend i dun feel anything..i cant pretend im not effected..i cant pretend 2b friends with u on the surface..but at the back stab u like crazy..i have horns n tail..but im not that evil..there are reasons why i stop talkin to certain ppl..but i wont go round tellin every-body..is that why ppl tend to constantly misunderstand me?..i duno what have i done/say to make ppl feel this way..and i dun understand why some gals juz enjoy makin me sad..yes its my fault..i shouldnt bother with their nonsenses..i shouldnt care so much..but im juz me..i cant pretend their words have zero effect on me..i cant..

telling me not to think is a tall order..i'd have given up on him long time ago..if i can give up..i cant..i really cant..

*my apologises for forgetting where i got the pics from*
*really love the 1st pic*

0200

2010-03-19T01:44:00.002+08:00

-am tryin very hard not to talk bout him now..its hard cuz miss him..miss his smiles his laughter his voice his everything..which is why im here..writing..pourin my heart out..not totally..very very soon hes leavin..goin back home..whether hes stayin or not..no1 knows..cuz hes not telling..but i seriously dun think he will..he wont stay for any1..he has his thinking..has his plans..i cant make him stay..knowing hes not happy here..dont wana force him to either..i just want him to be happy..if he goin home..not comin back here anymore..means he'd be happier..i have to let him go..dont i?..its not what i want..but i dun want him 2b unhappy staying here either..confusing i know..

u may say'why not u come back with him?..'yes why not?..but who am i to?..its not that i dun want to..i do..but who am i to?..

i dont even know would i see him again after he goes back home and not comin back anymore..i really dont know..its not cuz i like to think bout this..and make myself sad..of cuz i'd think..as the time is drawin very near..as im feelin im losin some1 very important in my life..

im scare i wont see him anymore..im scare this is it..im scare of losing him..im scare the more i love him/care for him..the more irriated he'd be(though i know hes not this kinda person)..

im scare...

2010-03-05T23:48:00.002+08:00

im not ok.. cant let go..but i have to..have to let u go back..go home..ur home-sick they told me..u miz home..miz the life back home..even though u kept tellin me..u more or less made up ur mind..to stay or not..its not confirm..but the feeling u gave is 99.99% u wont stay..

i suppose u wont know im feeling im losing something very important with u leaving..'u have to fight for it'..some1 said..have i been fighting for u or i've been fighting way too hard?..i really do not know..

im sorry if i had cause u unhappiness all these while..im sorry u havent been happy..ur very important to me..i know im not to u..am i juz a passer-by?..have i been tryin hard enough?..

so much to say to u..not enough courage to utter them words out..to u..i duno r u still willing to see me again b4 u leave..i duno once u go back..will i ever see u again?..

i do love u..and not once i regret it..
plz stay..dont go....

0050

2010-02-14T00:00:00.002+08:00

-is it true the older u r the less friends u have?..i duno..whats the meaning of friend anyway?..it doesnt mean u treat some-one as a friend..he/she'd too..words that touched ur heart..at the end of the day..are juz meaningless words..words that r spoken and 4gotten..no-one takes words seriously anymore..in this era..2b honest im no longer sure do i even have friends..often theres no-one i can talk to..some1 juz 2 listen..sure few said 2 me 'im willin 2 listen when u wana talk..any1 needs some1 2 listen 2..'..' remember 2 share any unhappiness with me'..in the end..all these r jz words..thus now i stop trying..stop everything..jz stop..cz im tire of those finger pointing..tire of everything..tire of people talking..jz tire..

i know im unlike those people..i dun smile much..they say im cold..its self-protecting..few really know me..

-less than 2 months n ur leaving..alot of thoughts i keep inside..i cant bear for u to go..but u have to go back home..not much time left..

*1st pic-qq.com
4gotten where the 2nd pic is from..my bad..

0231

2010-01-27T02:10:00.002+08:00

-not allow to cry

so much 2 say 2 vent 2 pour out..yet silence is all there is..very soon the 1st month of 2010 will be gone..soon those i can click with will be gone..r gone..they r not juz passer-bys in my life..am i juz one easily 4gotten passer-by to them?..i really have no idea..

alot had been happening..all these stuff are leavin me tire..very tire..doors r closed when i needed some1 2 talk 2..yes..every1 has his/her own problems..maybe its jz me..maybe i overthink things..i really duno..the only thing i know is...very soon ## will be leaving..very soon..

is any1 out there willing to listen 2 me?...is there?..

-On this road i lay
pretending to be dead
pretending im unable to see to hear
blocking out almost everything every1
im sorry
i can pretend no more..

Wishing i have the guts
to say out loud to u
'plz stay..i need u here..stay..'

1st pic-qq.com
4gotten where i get the 2nd pic from..

0131

2009-12-18T01:16:00.003+08:00

-im not some-one who can easily say how i feel..esp to u..usually everything goes wrong when im talkin with u..the words come out wrong..my tone comes out wrong too..yes im useless like that..im not like other gals..who know how to play around with words..im not like them..who know how to win your attention..im just me..i do not know how or what to do..to have u realise..the love i have for u is real..'let nature takes its course..' they say.. 'just relax..and things will be ok gal..' they say..is it gonna to be?..the time for u to leave is drawin near..and yet i still cant tell u..whether in person or not..i love u..plz dun go..stay stay stay...

*1st pic-le love

*2nd pic-karishma.tumblr

*3rd pic-qq.com

1438

2009-12-02T14:23:00.002+08:00

-dont go..dont go..

-come with me and listen to what the stars are saying?..

-a glittering black rose just for u..

There's a musical box
playing softly in here
can u hear it?
are u able to?
do u want to?

It's always in here
waiting wishing
some-one to notice it to treasure it
waiting wishing
u would

It remains inside here
every-one forgets about it
it remains inside here
no-one willing to open it

My musical box is playing

can u hear me?

*all pics from kari-shma tumblelog

0053

2009-11-12T00:31:00.003+08:00

-the same expression i wana do whenever im face with troublems..unhappiness etc..

-im not this strong gal almost every-one thinks i am..i do want some-one to hold my hand..tell me its gonna be ok..im just human..after all..

-a word i keep telling my mind..trying hard to shut it up..trying hard to be numb..trying hard not to feel as much..i duno why..but lately been losing the will to live..no..im not talking about killing myself..i wont have the guts to do so anyway..its just..i duno why im here..in this place..doing what im doing..i duno what is there left to fight for in life anymore..it seems like..no matter what i do..is not enough..its liked..im not trying hard enough..i duno how to make an effort..i duno am i making enough effort..and i dont wana give up..just like that..im losing sleep..

-'stay..dont go..plz..stay..i need you here..' these words..when will i have the courage to say to you?..

*1st and 2nd pics from the animalblog

*4gotten where i get the last pic..my bad..

2137

2009-11-05T21:26:00.004+08:00

-yes i needed this..

-times like this..i wish i could turn into bubbles..and just be blown away..vanish..vanish..be gone..

-Im walking in circles

round and round

no begining no end

All is dark

i cant see

where is everybody?

why am i alone here?

Is there even some-one

i could really turn to?

is there a hand

to hold me through?

Im walking in circles

round and round

*all pics from kari-shma tumblr

0026

2009-10-29T00:05:00.003+08:00

-Little broken butterflies
flying out from within of me
wanting wishing to be there with you

I'm calling out to you
can you hear me?

-these two words i've said to you..what i wana tell you is more than just words..words alone cant express what my heart wanna tell you..stay..plz dont go..stay..

-often i ask myself why i started this blog..true it serves as an outlet for me..to pen down when im sad..it serves as an outlet for me to write my poems..but..really..why i started this blog?..

words alone cant truly express my feelings..nowadays i dun really wana talk much too..cuz it seems every-one around me is busy..no time for me..i suppose its mostly cuz they are sick and tire of hearin my constant whining..my constant complaining..

*1st pic-deviantart.com
forgotten where i got 2nd and 3rd pics..sorry..

0212

2009-10-23T01:48:00.002+08:00

-love this pic..alwaz make me smile a little..

-does any-one knows where i can get black roses?..

-when you think too much..it'd feel as if you've been walkin round and round in foggy weather..with an umbrella..sometimes(or shall i say..most of the times?) its not cuz you wanna think..your mind just start to generate these thoughts..sometimes something happen..and you start to think..i admit..i think alot..alot of nonsense..few had told me ' dun think too much..' i know and understand..sometimes when others seem to be hiding something from you..they may mean well..cuz they dun wana hurt you..or they duno how to break the news out to you..so they chose to hide it..or/and..they tell you ' dun think too much..' to be honest..i'd rather have the truth told to me..than havin it hide from me..i really dun like the feeling..knowin others are hiding something from me..how i deal with whatever is being told..is my business..not theirs..

so..just shoot me with the truth..cuz im not born yesterday..and in-case you dun know..you are already hurting me..when you chose not to tell me...

*1st pic-4gotten where i got it from..my bad..

*2nd pic-deviant ART

*3rd pic-black and white's tumblelog

1713

2009-10-10T17:04:00.003+08:00

-Won't it be good for me
if i dont know how to think
won't it be good for me
if i haven't been born at all

I dont know anything anymore
all i know is i love you
thats all i know

-我只在乎你..你知道吗?..我还能说啥?..

*pics from Black and white's tumblelog

0047

2009-10-08T00:39:00.002+08:00

-I found the words and say to you
not asking for an answer
not asking for anything
i just want these words out
even its already much too late

You may laugh at me
or even say i do not know what love is
you may say i don't even understand you
do you understand yourself?

I love you
it is what it is
i know very well
cuz i am me

Just me

0207

2009-10-06T01:52:00.002+08:00

-I dream of mermaids in the night
calling whispering
in the stillness of the night
' come to us..tell us your secret..come..'
they whisper
' we will help you my love..'
' we will help you find the words..'

'come..join us my love..come'

'take our hands..come..'

Whispering words sounds like
a haunting song

in the stillness of the night

I find myself
walking slowly slowly
towards the open sea
'come..take our hands my love..'
'we will take you to him..to the one you love..come..'

*1st and 3rd pics from loveology
2nd pic from deviantART

2330

2009-10-01T23:11:00.002+08:00

Can anyone tell me
how to get these unfound words out
in the open
out to you?

Can anyone tell me
what to do
what to say to you

Wana tell you to stay
wana shout it out to you
can you hear me?

can you see me?

Im here
always here

Stay

-1st n 2nd pics from deviantART

-forget where i get the last pic..sorry

2242

2009-09-23T22:13:00.003+08:00

-if i ask you to stay..will you?..i didnt tell you what are the reasons why i'd rather u go back..cuz i know you feel empty..feel pressured workin here..i know you won't stay for any-one..but i can't help ask..will you stay for her?..will you stay just cuz she asks you to everyday?..yes i know you have learnt alot from her..yes i know both of you are very very closed..and getting closer each day..which gal is able to take it..seeing another gal closed to the one she loves?..so much to say to you..but those words juz won't come..6 more months to go..and you are leaving..6 more months..

-please stay..don't go..please stay.........

*forget where i get the pics..sorry...

0039

2009-09-12T23:35:00.002+08:00

-because i realise there's only you
because i realise there can be only you
because i realise i love you
i do not know how to
say these words to you
yet i'm sure you know

心里只有你...

*1st pic-black and white's tumblelog

2nd pic-art&ghosts

0112

2009-09-07T00:49:00.002+08:00

- You are the only one i wana see
the only voice i long to hear
only you have the strength
to pull me through

You' re so near yet so far
so much i wana say to you
yet silence is all that is

Is this how its going to be
between us
a distance so huge
is this how its going to be
for us
silence is all that is

-I don't know what to do
with this heart of mine
i don't know how to deal
with this heart of mine

All the tears hurt and pain
live inside
there is only so much
i could bear

And yet no-one understands
no-one cares
telling me to stop loving you
protecting you from me they are

How can it be good
how is it better
when its you i can't forget
when its you thats been living inside
all these while

*pic from black and white's tumblelog

2250

2009-09-02T22:13:00.002+08:00

one by one is leavin..2b honest i no longer wana be strong anymore..2b honest i no longer see the point 2 anymore..what disappointed me..is they knew whats happening..they knew whos the trouble-maker..and yet..still expected me to TRY for one last time..HELLO..ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!..im only human..theres a limit to how much i CAN bear too..yes i know this is life..i just have 2 deal with it blah blah blah whatever whatever..

nothing is going well..work..life..

What more can i do
except put this love for you inside
so much to say yet
words alone not enough

Does it even matter now
how much im missing you
eight more months
and you will be gone

Eight more months
what am i going to do
how am i going to be

*1st pic-black and white's tumblelog
2nd pic-the animal blog

0152

2009-08-26T13:03:00.006+08:00

I walk this line of scattering sound alone
hundreds and hundreds of egg-shells i walk
drowning myself deep in this breaking sound
echoing in the dark my breaking heart

-please stop tellin me to stop loving him just like that...please stop expecting me to stop thinking about it just like that...im only human..i have feelings too...in-case you forget...我也是人....

no longer know the definition of the word 'friend'..do friend(s) turn their back on you when ALL you need is a listenin ear?..do friend(s) mia like bubbles when ALL you need is some1 2b there?..some1 said 'i duno how 2 approach her..so i just ignore her..'..what a gd way 2 just avoid and ignore..yes im an emo freak..yes i ONLY talk/ask bout the same old thing..ONLY talk/ask bout the same person..is that y im a major turn-off?..im facin stress/pressure at work too..and yet others treat me as if i dun have feelings..when i cry..does any1 see?..does any1 know?..no..to them..i wont cry..im strong etc etc..none sees me at all..

its best to just shut my mouth..just stop talkin so freakin much..how i feel isnt important anymore...cuz the thing now is..no1 cares..no1 bothers anymore....

你们已看不到我了...

-im standing here im always here
im not going anywhere
do you see me at all?
can you see me at all?

do you wana see me at all?

我不会胜过一个你无法忘掉的她

我无法胜过一个已在你心里的她

你是不会看到我流泪

没有人会看到我流泪

只因为没有人会在乎

*all pics from Black and white's tumblelog

0121

2009-08-25T00:53:00.003+08:00

我知道在你心里你还爱着她..
也知道在你心里没有我..
你不用管我也不用理我..
两年后再和她走下去..
只有她可以令你更辛福更开心..
对不起我只是要你开心..
对不起我心已放不下其他人..
处了你..
对不起我已爱上你..

2359

2009-08-18T23:39:00.002+08:00

1st pic- would love to have this cute moody soft toy..looks just like me!..

2nd pic-am waiting for this movie..

3rd pic-a view i'd love to have every night when lyin in my bed..

4th pic-is the world comin to an end?..

*pics from msn.com,yahoo.com,tumblelog

只要你开开心心..

只要看到你的笑容..

就可以了..

就算在你心里的她不是我..

我还是会在这默默地支持你..

0037

2009-08-14T23:23:00.003+08:00

你会看得到我的努力吗?..

你会感觉得到吗?..

很多话想对你说但又说不出..

i duno how to fill this emptiness you are feeling..and it makes me feel very useless and helpless...

it makes me sad knowin u feel empty and lonely..

*all pics from black and white's tumblelog

2359

2009-08-12T22:52:00.004+08:00

Finished watchin this old-school anime 'Candy candy'..it sure brings back alot of memories..watched the series on tv way way back..watched it again when i found it in Youtube..last week bought the whole series as it was on discount..call me childish or whatever..but i do love anime..i dont think its only for children..as there are things about life to learn in anime..take 'Candy candy' for example..even though she been through alot..she still try 2b a cheerful helpful gal..she still try 2b positive..this a trait we have 2 learn in life no?..2b positive cheerful and helpful..yes i admit im no good in bein positive..no1 can beat me in begin negative..its true..which is y people say im emo..oh well..

dun u just like masks?..i do..love to bits..every1 in life has a number of masks they wear..is it 2 protect themselves so others cant hurt them?..or is it just for show?..wearin masks i mean..

many things people only see from the surface..sometimes things arent what it appears 2b..sometimes things are simple..its our minds and what others say..that make it complicated..make it confusing..yes its alwaz easy to just open your mouth and say..it takes alot of determination courage to ACTUALLY do it..esp when comes to love..yes i do know its better i dont think about it anymore..just let it flow..im tryin..i really am..but the thing is..am i tryin hard enough?..im still learnin 2 understand him..im still learnin 2 show him prove 2 him..im not what i appear 2b..what others may say about me..but the thing is..does he notice im tryin?..does he wanna notice im tryin?..

i just miss him alot..miss those happy moments those happy times..

你要相信你的负出是看得到的

你要相信自己

不要去管人家说啥

你要加油!

*all pics from deviatart

2356

2009-08-07T23:16:00.003+08:00

1st pic- my dream home always..never mind if one day the sea decided to turn ugly..and pull me way down into the sea-bed..

2nd pic-a white rose for 小巨人..if i can find a black rose..its much better

3rd n 4th pics-aint they just sooooooooooo cute!?...wish i have that cute cute cat..

yes i know this post is rather random..anyway hope u like the lovely pics..

只要想到小巨人..再多苦都撑得住..

*1st n 2nd pics-tumblelog

3rd n 4th pics-the animal blog

1923

2009-07-26T18:59:00.002+08:00

finally the movie 'Public Enemies' is showin here..no..i havent watch it yet..but will do so soon..have always like Johnny Depp's movies..i really admire him cuz despite the fact..hes one dashing man..hes not one who uses his good looks to get 2b where he is now..most of the times the characters he portrays..we dont getta see his face..and at times we dont even know its him at all..if not for the credits..am waiting for another of his movie 'Alice in wonderland'..hope it will be release here soon..

do u have those moments when u have so much 2 say 2 some1..but when u getta see him/her..those words just refuse 2 come out..and make fun of u?..people say 'somethings are better left unsaid'..i dont really agreed..esp when comes to matters of the heart..what im tryin 2 say here is..if u dont say..how will that person knows?..no..i dont mean just blurt out without thinking..u do have 2 think carefully.. of cuz u have 2 take responsibility and the consequences urself..after u say those words..cuz not many people are prepared 2 hear what u may say..even though u mean well..thats human beings..there are bound 2b misunderstandings between people..which is why i dont really agreed with the saying above..

what do u think?..

*1st pic from the animal blog.tumblr

*2nd-5th pics from yahoo

0031

2009-07-20T00:11:00.003+08:00

yes i've been abandoned..been 'kicked out'..and i've no idea why..or what i done/said..to be treated this way..i just know some-thing is off..i just know they are hiding some-thing from me..and i will never know..im thinking too much?..im being too sensitive too emo?..no..i dun think so..when people start to treat u totally different..when people start to stop talking much to u..u just know something isnt right..u just know they are hiding something from u..

aint friends suppose to look-out for one another?..i guess i've been so naive..thinking they are my friends..and i could turn to them..when i needed a listening ear..i guess they are sick and tire of hearing me talking about a certain some1..and thus..start to avoid me..start to avoid talking to me..and slowly abandoned me..'kicked me out' of the loop..

no..i dun blame any1..just blame myself..they are not the problem..i am..always have been..i really dun know what i've done/said..to be treated this cold way..and if its really my fault..im sorry..

will any1 knows..or even cares i've been crying almost every night?..will any1 knows or cares..i've been missing him so much?..

no..no1 knows..no1 give a damn........

its my 100th post..and yet..its not a happy topic.......

*all pics from black and white's tumblelog

0102

2009-07-10T23:47:00.002+08:00

pics of beautiful wolf....of cute cats..and of cuz daunting gothic pic..i juz love the gothic pic..do u?...which pic is your favourite?....

havent been in the mood to blog..again..juz wana be left alone after work..which explains why i put my status as 'appear off-line' when im on msn..simply cuz i dont wana end up saying things that offended people..and we end up quarrelling over some stupid meaningless things..simply cuz im tire..very tire..the more i dun wana hear anything..the more i will..the more people wana tell me 'bout it talk 'bout it..

我已很累了...我不想听了...

*1st pic via deviantArt

*2nd-5th pics via theanimal.blog

2020

2009-06-28T19:46:00.002+08:00

juz wana share these pics..love cats..i love cats..love gothic pics too..u know those dark cool cool gothic pics?..but not those bloody gothic pics..haha..well..not many people like cats..saying cats are not friendly loyal when compare to dogs..saying cats are too proud etc etc..different people have different thinking i guess..i used to talk to my cats alot..maybe im crazy..but to me..they do understand..and they are able to sense when ur upset/happy..gosh..i do miss my cats alot..but i cant keep one now..cuz i cant take gd care of it..since im working..

have u watch 'Transformers 2'?..its worth the wait..im not goin to reveal anything bout it..haha..im waiting for Johnny Depp's 'Public Enemy' and 'Alice In Wonderland'..hopefully it will be shown here..am waiting for 'Gamer' by Gerald Butler..

been busy watching this old-school japanese cartoon 'Candy Candy'..used to watch it when i was little..juz remember bits and pieces of it..she been through alot both in life and love..but despite it all..she remains a cheerful gal..shes a very strong gal..often i wish i know some-one like Candy..but thats a wishful thinking..

*2nd-5th pics from the animal blog.tumblr*

*i forget where i got the 1st pic from..sorry*

0044

2009-06-17T00:16:00.003+08:00

A lantern light from deeper in the barn

inching nearer do i dare?

a blurred figure under the faint lantern light

are my eyes playing tricks on me?

With my hand out infront of me

am i protecting myself or?

darkness seems to be

whispering whispering

Few steps more few steps now

as i come closer to the lantern

am i ready?

am i prepared?

To be drawn to that faint figure

here's my try on this week carry on tuesday prompt.. the opening words of the poem is The Fear by Robert Frost..only used the first sentence..i have to admit its getting more and more difficuilt to come up with poems worth reading..which is why i gave up on last week's prompt..nah..its a lame excuse..my mind is just filled with things..yet again..

i do envy people with many friends..i do envy people with families that are there for them when they need help..or simply just a listening ear..often i ask myself 'do i have true friends?..seriously do i?..'..who can i truly turn to..when i need some-one to listen to talk to..not some-one who tell me what i SHOULD do..not some-one who tell me HOW i SHOULD feel..yes i do understand..they meant well..but its my life my feelings..shouldnt i be the one to decide?..even if i wont know will my decission is right or wrong..theres no right or wrong..no-one is right or wrong..i know..im not making sense..i havent been making sense lately..

*pics from tumblr

2348

2009-05-26T23:13:00.004+08:00

everyone suddenly burst out singing
a song i have not hear before
yet another unfamiliar song
as i stand silently here

something is not right
a heavy tension fills the air
everyone continues singing
unable to hear me calling

in black and white they walk
stalks of black white roses throw
women in veils men in suits
singing walking slowly

following behind i am
taking in the sight infront
for the one laying there
is me

another poem i written with the opening of a poem by Siegfried Sassoon entitled Everyone Sang via carry on tuesday blog..i do like this idea Keith came up with for his blog..thkx to Shadow for sharing too..its a good way..for me at least..to try come up with poems every week..as i havent been actively writing poems as i used to..
its upsetting it hurts when some-one u thought know u better misunderstand u..i never thought # would think/said about me this way..i never thought my behaviour would have # think/said bout me in this manner..yes im one very emotional freak..i tenda show how i feel..tenda let my emotions control me rather than i control them..and cuz of this im immature?..and cuz of this im mentally sick?..im a human being..i have feelings too..yes i know well #'s intention in saying what # said to me..yes i know well what # wants me to do..its not so much im blaming # even though #'s words/behaviour hurts me worst than hell..i wouldnt care less if # isnt important to me..i wouldnt..
often its not i wanna think so much..often things i heard things i see(and i rather not)trigger the way i feel..but i dun tell any-one..i dun tell #..and i keep things inside..in the end..im an immature lunatic in #'s eyes...
yes i cant let go..yes i dun wana give up..i dun want to..

1105

2009-05-21T10:57:00.004+08:00

a cloudless night like this
can set the spirit soaring
do you see the full moon rising?
do u hear it calling?

come run with me
feel the wind whispering
come run with me
freedom of being wild

under this cloudless night
with the full moon shining bright
howling in the dark
screaming silently from the heart

theres a new site 'carry on tuesday' by keith..every week he'd come up with lines from a poem or song..and u can carry on from there..this week the opening line is from 'A walk after dark' by W.H. Auden..do check out carry on tuesday..

*pic from tumblr

0049

2009-05-20T14:14:00.005+08:00

hAve taken loving this beautiful animal-wolf..they seem so gentle so mystery..how free it would feel if i could run with them howl at the moon at night..
i do need lotsa four-leaf clovers in my life now..its been said four-leaf clover brings good luck to a person..have u heard of it?..do u believe in it?..im quite a superstition person..i believe in ghosts/life after death/life in other planets etc etc..maybe thats why others tenda say im weird or strange or whatever..i duno..oh well...
我不想放弃我办不到我真的办不到..im sorry..
*pic from tumblr.com

1319

2009-05-13T12:55:00.002+08:00

bEen listening to Duffy alot lately..strangely her songs even though are mostly about lost love /broken heart..it kinda calm me down when listening to her ablum..

found these cute cheery pics from Vivien Westwood Audi fashion show which was shown here few days back..love the black top with the golden hand on it(2nd pic)..and the model's make-up/hairstyle go with the outfit perfectly!..i like!!..like the hair-style and the outfit in the 3rd pic too..i cant carry such hair-style(bird-nest hair-style i call it)..im trying to keep my hair long now..its taking too slow for my hair to be long except for my fringe..it tenda covers one of my eyes cuz of the length..and cuz of this im being pinpoint at work..*sigh*..whatever...

u know many times when people dont like your face juz because..and u get piss off when they try to make your life difficult..u juz have to constantly tell yourself to bear with it..breathe in breathe out..let go..dont think so much?..the worst part is when this person is your manager!..yes im in this kinda problem(so-called)now..i seriously duno how the hell she came in as a manager when she clearly dont have the experience!..the way she works is oh-so unprofessional..so childish..almost everyday i drag myself to work..if not for few of my colleagues..i'd have died countless times at work!..

*first pic from tumblr

second-fourth pics from sg.msn.com

2338

2009-05-08T23:26:00.002+08:00

*images from tumblr

'what am i to you you do not need..what i am to you is not what you mean to me..'-Damien Rice 'Volcano'

let go let go let go let go..open your mind,hand and heart and let go..let it go..just let it go..let go.....

1755

2009-05-06T17:26:00.002+08:00

CAGED

In this cage i place
pieces of broken heart i shed
repeat rewind repeat rewind
it doesnt seem to end

Thousands and thousands of pieces
fill this cage
a river deep of tears flowing
a river deep of tears flowing

Screaming in the silence
covering my mouth
i scream

Given up i leave
throw away this cage i leave
closing my eyes i dive

A river deep of tears flowing

yEs another (emo/sad) poem..
what will u do when u keep falling in life?..what will u do when u realise no matter what people wont give u the chance?..what will u do when ur being treating unfairly?..what u will u do when u realised too late in this pathetic life ur breathing no-one truly cares like from the bottom of their hearts?..

yes i've heard learn to get up from where u fall and all that shit..yes i've heard life wont be downwards spinning all the time..theres ups and downs..after all these failed r/s..i feel like the BIGGEST failure anyone ever known..i feel im the most stupid person anyone ever known..but who cares?..yeah who does?..nobody..

perphas im not suppose to be borned at all..perphas im not supposed to love anyone at all...

0022

2009-04-30T00:09:00.002+08:00

aNyone seen the movie 'Cruel Intention' would know of this great song..i really love it..am trying to see whether i can get hold of the movie though..its one old movie so it might not be easy to find..oh well..wish me luck..

Faye Wong..my all-time favourite singer..used to sing her songs when i happened to go karaoke with friends..but that was a long time ago..shes one great singer..her vocals are special..and she writes some of her own songs too..a talented beautiful ice-queen she is..a very big loss to the music world now she steps out of the music scene..

0013

2009-04-22T23:34:00.005+08:00

Hole-Puncher

With a hole-puncher

you start making tiny tiny holes on my heart

happiness and sorrow flow into these cuts

finding it harder and harder each day to breathe

thousands and thousands of tiny holes in my heart

Looking at the place where it used to be

an unrecognise heart stares back at me

'why are you doing this to me!?'

'you are supposed to protect me!' it screams

A loud thug came

vowing never to be back again

it left me there and then

A hole-puncher in your hand

tiny holes tiny cuts hang

my heart no longer in your hand

rAin decided to pay a visit to this small city after so long..first strong strong winds came..the sound it made feels like many dragons flew past flipping their big wings..soon smell of rain filled the air..and rain started dancing down..it actually feels good cuz i havent been ok..again..as i dont smile much..and whatever mood im in its all written on my face..im often being called/label emo and moody..im not like other gals..whom are alwaz full of smiles..who are alwaz cheerful(thus well-loved..well-liked by others)..i am not like that at all..i cant pretend to be like these gals..i cant..

im easily affected by the words/behaviour/attitude of the person i feel for..many will say im stupid for having my heart on my sleeve..stupid for getting hurt so freaking easily..am i stupid in this way?..am i stupid liking/loving a person the way i do?..am i stupid im willing to sacrifice for the one i like/love?..am i stupid im willing to give it all up for the one i like/love?..many made me feel/think i am..to them im ultra stupid..a gal like me is unable to survive in this city..a city with no human touch..

*pics from black-white tumblr*

1410

2009-04-19T01:22:00.007+08:00

The Beast

And the beast has its mouth wide open
stream of words flown out not making sense
oh how it longs for us to bow to it
how it longs for us to yield to it

A beast wraps in a sheep's clothing
hasnt it notice its peeling off bit by bit?
hasnt it notice how foul it stinks?

A beast with its bow and arrows
with your back facing it
it shoots

The beast still has its big mouth wide open
not for long now
not for long

wRote this poem late last night..while watching '300' the word beast came to mind and this is how the poem was borned!..do tell me what u think of it..i know its different from those previous(emo?) poems i wrote..

am listening to Mew while blogging..have u heard of them?..check out their video below..love the whole video is in black and white..

been thinking should i stay in this country or get out of my comfort zone..go live in another country..yes its safe here but im rather tire of almost everything is about $ $ and more $..im tire of the high stress level fast paced life style..tire of this small city with limited human touch limited love..everyone is rushing day in and out..simply cuz of the high standard of living..i dont know yet which country i would like to go..i love anything about Japan..but the life style is similar to here..i dont mind learning the language..friends used to say they feel i shouldnt be born here..haha..maybe they are right..who knows?..is it too late to start a new life else where now?..

*pics from black-white tumblr*

0137

2009-04-15T01:08:00.004+08:00

hAunting chilling song by rockettothesky..her vocals and music are truly amazing!..pray the local music store carries her album..talking about music..am very excitied Bat for lashes new album is out!!..

a very very cute french song from the movie 'The Butterfly'..though i dont understand what the song is about..but dont you juz love how the language sounds?!..its so sexy!!!..hmm dont think the movie is ever shown here..

dont you juz love black/white pics?..i do..theres alwaz an air of mystery and charm in them..about to finish reading the final book of Twilight..i wonder will they continue making movies for the 3rd and the last books..sure hope they will..already i cant wait for 'New Moon' the movie..quite a few nice japanese movies are being shown here..but didnt have the time to watch all..only managed to watch one 'Detroit metal city'..its one funny show!..but like most japanese movies..theres a message-live for your dream and dont give up..

yeah i know i havent been written any poems lately..forgive me?..my creative cells hold hands with my imagination cells fly off to an island..and im not sure when are they coming back to haunt me..but in the meantime i will try to write..hope it wont disappoint you guys..

enjoy the weekend people!

2308

2009-04-07T22:31:00.003+08:00

hAve to share this cute funny video!..brings a smile to my face whenever i watch it..the imagination of a child..where did the same imagination we held as a child gone to when we grow up?..

am reading the final book of Twilight..find it hard to put down..its full of unexpected twists and turns!..last night watched the trailer of 'New Moon'..i have to say its gonna be better than the first and i cant wait for it though i duno when will it be releasing here..hmmm..

yeah i know i havent been writing any poems lately..had to 'go away' in my mind since last month..though i still have to go to work still breathing but does it mean that im a strong person?..yes i can take the easy way out..yes i can pretend im ok..but does it mean im a strong person?..and when friends say 'ur a strong person..u will be ok'..do you tenda believe them?..i just dun seem to know or wish to know nowadays..i just wana spend time with those i love those that are important to me..it feels like time is running(or stealing away)from me now..it feels like i dun have much time left now..dun worry im not talking about taking my own life..no..its just i feel time is trying to tell me something nowadays..and its slipping away fast as days/weeks/months shoosh past me..

kinda exicited the Japanese brand 'Uniqlo' is here in Singapore!!..been hearing so much about it from my friend/ newspaper/ magazine..their T-shirts designs are rather cute..i will def check this brand out this week!..

-if something/someone is 'taken away' from you by time..what would you do?..

-are you willing to sacrifice for the one you slowly realise you cant live without?..are you willing to do it for love?

*pics via black-white.tumblr*

0056

2009-04-03T00:38:00.003+08:00

bEen having lots on my mind lately my mood swing is very much like the last cute pic..you know how it is right?..up it goes and down it drops..some-one said my mood swings are terrible cuz it goes up and down very fast!..haha..oh well maybe hes right..i duno..

finished reading the third book of Twilight..am now reading 'Breaking Dawn'..mann what a thick book it is! over 700 pages! can you imagine!?..wonder how long will i take to finish it as im rather a slow reader..

chance upon this wonderful tumblr-black-white-tumblr.com..as i love black and white pics i really love this site..go there if you love black/white pics..its one cool site..

love the hair style in the first pic(look up there)..intenda keep my hair long..for now..as i like the style its growing out..let see whether i will REALLY keep my hair long..i always have the urge to cut it short or change my hair style..ahahahaha..

have lotsa fun in the weekend people!

-pics from black-white-tumblr and kari-shma.tumblr

2341

2009-03-22T23:08:00.002+08:00

rEad an interesting article in the newspaper this morning titled 'Use your head stupid'..it talks about the pros and cons on using your head and heart when facing problems..i suppose theres no right or wrong whether a person uses her/his heart more or uses her/his head more..i mean every-one of us is different..i admit i use my heart more hence im being called 'emo' quite often..no i dont regret being emotional..or those choices i made/make cuz i use my heart more..cuz if its a wrong choice theres a lesson to be learn..and if i dont learn whatever lesson it is..i would keep having the same lesson throw into my face..

often my friends tell me to let go abit..to see things on the bright side..not to be so serious..im still learning..surly i dont want my days to be raining all the time?..let me have some fairy dust so i can keep telling myself 'dont worry'..crap i dunno what im talking about here U__u;

anyway i FINALLY got my hands on the third book of Twilight after such a loooooooooooong wait!..had completed 'Blue remembered heels' by Neil Dixon..its one fun read..completed 'After dark' by Murakami too..its different..abit weird actually..did i mention about this book b4?..crap looks like im really getting STM(short-term memory)..

0016

2009-03-17T22:38:00.006+08:00

bEen putting my head in a suitcase pretending it didnt happen..but of cuz it did..have to keep telling my heart and mind to be quiet have to keep putting a brave funny smiling face at home at work infront of friends almost everywhere..i will be ok..i just need some-one to take my hand..and i know deep down that some-one has to be me myself..it has always been me taking my own hand telling myself things will be ok telling myself to let go and move on..hasnt it the same for all?..or is it just me?..

0018

2009-02-24T22:19:00.006+08:00

Doll

A crippled doll
no-one notices no-one sees
her heart keeps tearing
as thousands feet step on it
not seeing not noticing

A crippled doll lying
motionlessly lying here
she is crying
her heart breaking
can you see her?
can you hear her?
do you even notice her at all?

Silent tears crying
giving him all the love she has
with nothing but a broken heart left
she fell lying here
her heart still calling out to him
from the thousand pieces shes calling

cant wait for Bat For Lashes's new album 'Two Suns'..listened to three songs from it moment ago..love 'Glass' and 'Sleep Alone'..am sure the new album will be awesome..heres two Bat For Lashes music videos..'Daniel' is the single from 'Two Suns'..

i know my posts lately been sad and all..honestly i duno when i will be ok or the fact will i be ok..i duno will it be ok..i would like to believe things will resolve on its own..but i really duno what to believe anymore...or ever...

2157

2009-02-22T21:48:00.004+08:00

Red And Black

Red moon rising

this river inside flowing

swimming drowning in it

cant help myself

Red moon turns black
frozen this river black
drowning still
i turn pale

Black moon stays
it wont go away
cut out my heart

held it in my hands
bit by bit
piece by piece it breaks

Black wind whispering
black moon howling
i stand
watch pieces of my heart blown away

' have i been blind?
have i been lost inside my self and my own mind?

hypnotized mesmerized by what my eyes have seen?'

these words from Abundance describe the state im in..

yes i had been blinded and perphas still is..blinded by love..the thing is its my fault..im not siding him..no im not..i had been wrong..what i thought had been wrong..its my fault..mine alone.....

0105

2009-02-21T00:52:00.003+08:00

i will never forget what i saw on 20 Feb 09..will never forget how deep you hurt me..all these times its my fault my alone..it took me so fucking long to know i had been NOTHING at all to u..took me so long to know these two years i loved you mean NOTHING to you...yes everything is my fault..EVERYTHING..i duno how to love you..i think too highly of myself..its my fault i thought things were FINALLY ok..not knowing i was wrong..so fucking wrong...

i hope you are happy now..REALLY happy now you hurt me real deep..you broke my heart again...

yes its my fault ok?..everything is my fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0134

2009-02-15T23:02:00.003+08:00

am loving these music videos by Bat For Lashes..dark haunting creepy mood set in these songs but in a beautiful enchanting way..sure hope the next album will be releasing soon cuz i cant get enough of the songs!..

This is me
are my words entertaining nonsenses
have they hold no effect on you?

Here i am
uttering those words to you again
im talking too much yet again
havent i?

This is me
have me lock inside with these walls
lock me up so you wont hear me speak
entertaining nonsenses to you
over and over

Quick
lock me up
lock me up and throw away
the key

wrote this poem awhile ago..its 1:22am here and i cant sleep..having an unrest mind lately but who cares really?..no its not work im stress of..i dont care so much about work anyway..it would be so much easier if im physically tire cuz i would be a'rite after having enough sleep/rest..but im not tire physically..no..and i cant reveal why here..fuck i cant and dont reveal to anyone now..cuz i know well what will they say..same old words they will throw at me..

i dunno what else is there to do or say anymore..cuz i have gone and said too much..and i cant help but ask myself 'did i really try?..did i really fight for it?..or ALL i ever did is whine and think of myself?..' yes i know its worth it despite many told me its not and im stupid thinking other-wise..yes i admit i am stupid..im the most stupid person you would ever come across..no im not joking..i dont have a stable mind at all..

im not this sweet quiet emo(what-ever fuck that means) gal..i dont even have any idea who i am..

1802

2009-02-08T14:26:00.005+08:00

been feeling dreamy lately not knowing why..took me a long time finishin this wonderful memoir 'Eat Pray Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert..its one hilarious honest good read..and soon it will be made into a movie starting Julie Roberts..can't wait for it!!..you would start to question about your life after readin this memoir..

am listening to Rachel Yamagata..love 'Be be your love' 'Worn me down' 'I want you' and 'Elephants'..wish i have her voice..sorta deep and dreamy..i really hate my voice!..sigh..

anyway heres a poem i wrote..do tell me what you think of it..its rather different from my past poems i think..thankx for those sweet sweet comments and taking time to read..i truly appreciate it..

A Song

Scented flowers flowing by
speaking to me asking why
a fairy came on by
resting on my shoulder asking why

A language far away i speak
none knowing what it means
flowers and fairy shook their heads
to words unknown i speak

Up on my feet i rise
down into the lake i dive
water fairy holding out her hand
a scented flower on her ear

Open my eyes all were gone
laying on the grass is me alone
a soft unreal singing i hear
a song in a language so far away

0234

2009-02-04T02:22:00.002+08:00

*pics from tumblr

just share some pics..i do love black and white pics do you?..often i wish i talk in the same way as i write..i mean im not a good or interesting talker..if you know what i mean..i dont really talk much..and its so much easier for me when i write..i might come back later with a poem..not too sure yet..my mind is in a mess again again..

2245

2009-01-28T21:59:00.003+08:00

*images from tumblr

watched ' Rachel getting married' and keep thinking about it..i must say Anne Hathaway's acting is good in this movie.. after seeing this movie i realise there's a Kym(played by Anne) in everyone of us..cuz we are all addicts..who is to say when we call a person an addict..he/she must be a drug addict or sex addict?..we can be addicts to almost anything and everything..money clothes love even..its so wide no?..but there's another reason why i say there's a Kym in every-one of us..and that is everyone of us long for the people closed to us, be it family or friends, to be understanding, to able to forgive, to be there when we are messed up,to support,to just be there..but usually the people closed to us are not..often they are the ones who disappoint..yes i can understand why Kym feels her problem is the biggest..yes i can understand too why she craves for attention the way a child craves for sweets..and yes i know why she found it very hard to forgive herself..she can't let go and there's no one she can really open herself to..so this whole guilt thingy just pulls her down-wards deeper and deeper..

yes i do know it's exhausting to hear about the same old thing over and over..and many of us have this thought ' why should i help him/her when he/she don't wanna help him/herself?'..yes its true only we can help ourself..but have it occur to you that all of us just need a helping hand a listening ear?..isnt it thats why we are given two ears?..have you thought about that?..i guess not many have or bother to..cuz no-one wanna be around a sad/depressed/messed up person..

no im not saying people who are sad/depressed/messed up are right..what im trying to say is why is it many can't be more patient with them?..why is it they just want you to recover so-called in a blink of an eye?!..why is it they have to or must give you a time frame to recover to get back on your feet?!..why?..and when your time frame is up they just drop you just leave you just abandon you like you are some kind of garbage..

yes i know to get help the first thing you have to do is to open up..to say what exactly it is that is bringing you down..but do you really know how one feels when after he/she opens up, he/she is being dropped being left being abandon?..

have you thought about that?...

0049

2009-01-27T23:42:00.003+08:00

*images from tumblr

just few pics here..yeah i know i know..the pics i post are mostly about love love and more love lately..oh well..i will try to come up with a poem soon..but no promise ok?..

its lunar new year.. lots of food and snacks to eat..yours truly was down with flu 2 days before lunar new year..which wasnt any fun cuz i couldnt go out..had to rest at home and became a couch tomato U___U;..spent 3 days watching endless tv programmes or look at lovely pics from tumblr or lost myself in those amazing blogs..everytime i come across these blogs i wonder how do they do it?..their blogs are really cool and stuff..yeah i think my blog is boring(few call it emo)..it could put you to sleep..

speaking of sleep..i have been having problem sleeping lately..i don't know why or what cause this insomnia..am i thinking too much?..i seriously don't know..and im actually thinking of getting sleeping pills but i don't know is that a good idea..i really don't know..i have tried almost everything but none help..my mind just refuses to bring me to dream-land..tell me what you think ya..

0035

2009-01-23T00:21:00.003+08:00

hAve you ever reach out for help or ask for help only to be ignored? have you ever just want some-one to listen really listen only to be ignored? have you ever want need support from your family or friends only to have them throw unkind hurtful words at you?..i have..

yes often i wonder why am i born to face all these..wonder often why am i being born at all..yes i do know what hurts you wont kill you it will only makes u a stronger person..all these i know..i just dont know how much i can take before i FINALLY break down..

honestly does any-one even care at all if im gone?..

2143

2009-01-13T21:27:00.002+08:00

iF some-one asks you 'why u love (insert name)?' what would your answer be?..do you need a reason to love some-one? must there be a reason?..when you love some-one it just happens no?..love is love..must there be a reason?..must there be 1001 reasons?..must there really have to have a reason?..

no i'm not ok i admit i'm not..and seriously i don't know what to do..i have been paranoid very paranoid and i don't like the paranoid me..it happened before and it's happening again..i'm breaking down and have no-one to talk to cuz friends are tired of listening to my 'i'm so sad sorry ass' whinings..and it's ALWAZ about the same thing..alwaz about this thing call love..

i know many would say i'm being weak emotionally and yes i admit i am..i know many would say i'm stupid foolish hopeless..yes i am too..i really don't know why i'm whining here and maybe it's not a good idea to..i don't know...i'm not trying..i'm finding it hard very hard to let go more..to move on..there's no-one to help me except myself..no-one..

i have said too much..say too much..

is honesty really the best policy?...

2138

2009-01-11T21:29:00.002+08:00

Mute

Closing the blinds turn away
vanishing into the darkness
hissing loudly feel the silence
eating me grabbing me tightly
invisible blood bleeding
nothing to stop it bleeding

Closing the blinds turn away
wings broken listen as i fall
watch me as i scream out loud
invisible blood bleeding
visible hurt playing

Closing the blinds once again
black ghosts waiting
in their capes waiting

0109

2009-01-10T00:47:00.004+08:00

tHey say pictures paint a thousand words..how true..

Rules:

1.Each blogger must post these rules first.

2.Each blogger starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.

3.Blogger s that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their 8 things.

4.At the end of your blog,you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.

5.Don't forget to leave them a comment,telling them that they've been tagged and to read your blog

i've been tagged..so here goes:

1) i've a sexy small pillow which i talk to

2) i've an utra messy mind

3) i dun look my age

4) love to read/write but think my english isnt good enough

5) people say im emo n i duno what that means

6) im stupid like really really stupid

7) im hopeless when loving some-one

and lastly...

8) im one insane/boring/stupid person

im not going to choose any-one so im juz goin to tag every-one and any-one who read my blog..my 1st birthday gift is a tag..who knew..thkx WhiteForest for taggin me...

hAppy biRthday to me....

this is so damn pathetic...

1600

2009-01-04T15:49:00.002+08:00

hOpe all had a good start in 2009..2008 didn't end well for me n it wasn't a good start in 2009..even until now and its only the fourth day of a new year..there is a decission i have to make but i know very well i won't be happy making it..and it's not up to me alone...i can only pray i would know the answer ASAP..

2209

2008-12-29T22:00:00.002+08:00

iTs only today i realised its 2009 this thursday..had been crazy busy at work lately..what with people shopping before xmas durin xmas after xmas..n stupid stock taking..its no wonder time quietly pass me by..

i will come back with another post soon..
heres wishin all a happy happy 2009 in advance!

0025

2008-12-26T23:07:00.005+08:00

hEy have fun on xmas?..mine was spent workin..its alrite cuz went for xmas count-down with my friend in the club we always go..yup it was very crowded..people were merry-makin..happy n all..so why was it i didnt really enjoy myself on xmas eve?..i was there but i wasnt there too..know what i mean?..i was so-not there that i mistaken some-one as my friend..went n poked him!..it was so embarrassin!!..that shows u where my mind was..maybe not only durin that night..been feelin kinda like walkin-dead these days..

had finished the 2nd book of Twilight..to my horrors the 3rd n 4th books were sold-out in the local book stores!..mann should've juz bought when they were still available..so now while waitin i borrowed few books from library..n bought 1 novel 'Eat Pray Love'..am waiting for the movie 2b shown here..speakin of movies..

here are a few movies im waitin

-Ponyo On The Cliff By The Sea:a japanese anime..real cute

-Transformer2:my fav decepticon SoundWave will be in it finally

-InkHeart:a fantasy movie..i saw the 2nd or 3rd book from this novel

-The Uninvited:a horror movie..havent watch horror show since forever

will try to come up with a poem..but no promise..i dun like promise..cuz its meant 2b broken?..in the mean-time..heres some pics..mostly are from weheartit.com..drop by this site for great pics!..

well wishes to all in 2009!!

thank u all for your lovely comments n takin time out to read*bow*

2359

2008-12-15T22:41:00.003+08:00

Immortal

Looking with those eyes
walkin slowly u came
inch by inch ur movin closer

Stiff as stone i am
feel my heart beatin faster
feel myself burnin inside

Runnin with u by my side
soakin in the warm sun light
in this forest we fly
feelin surreal
i hold on tight

No dont say those words my dear
listen to me
hear me speak
without a doupt i agreed
turnin my life into yours

Is what i want to be

wRote this after finished readin Twilight..am readin the second novel now..ya im into the Twilight saga too..ya i know im properly over-age for it..but im not going to miss out on any vampire novels..was very tempting to buy the last two novels of Twilight..n other novels..but that have to wait..it was a strange feeling walking into the book store this afternoon..i didnt know i love the smell of books this much..or have i become a freak?..anyway i havent watch Twilight the movie..maybe soon..lookin 4ward to it actually..

havent been doin much lately..juz readin novel after novel..actually only finished readin 3 novels(that tells u what a slow reader i am U__U)..here are the other 2 novels

-'Tuesdays With Morrie' by Mitch Albom

a very touching wonderful true story of the author gettin a second chance discovering life through the death of a friend..this novel is rather well-known..truly worth a read..

-'A Winter Book' by Tove Jansson

this is a collection of short stories by her..a rather charming novel this is..theres 'A Summer Book' too..nope i havent read it..yet..

thats all for now folks..do tell me what u think of the poem..

have a great week ahead!!

b4 i 4get..wana give a shout-out to Autumn's 4gotten Dreams..welcome back gal!! =>

1510

2008-12-10T14:46:00.004+08:00

i wanna sit here with u..and let the world pass us by..

juz have to share this pic!..dun u find the flow-bella is so cute it makes u smile?

it dun snow where im from..as a matter of fact we dun have four seasons here..so i duno what its like seein/feelin snow..as im not rich enough to travel..its very expensive travellin to other countries from here..so i juz put myself in these pics..n feel..

i wanna lie on these fluffy clouds

no poem today..havin lotsa things on my mind..but really wanna share these wonderful pics here..there are so many nice pics..and some truly make u smile despite how low you r feeelin..its true when they say 'a picture paints a thousand words'..

oh well im lookin forward to my very short break from work..startin this sunday..only for 48 hours..oh yes..its x'mas pretty soon..no i havent buy any gift for anyone..how bout u?..have u done your xmas shopping?..

1550

2008-12-03T15:28:00.002+08:00

Fly Away
Tie myself to this paper-plane

bring me away

away from u
when u ignore me like that
away from u

when u thought i could alwaz take it

Tie myself to these ballons

bring me far away

away from u

away from your smiles

your everything

The wind had changed

bringing me away

yet each time im back

you r alwaz there

pOem i wrote juz minutes ago..yeah i do wana fly away..leave my body n see myself..the way i lead this life of mine..i get upset when people ignore me n i've no idea what did i do/say wrong to have them treat me invisible..most upset when its some1 i love..maybe it has nothing to do with me..maybe they juz not in the mood..maybe im thinkin 2 much again..i duno..whatever it is i juz want some1 to tell me..cuz silence breaks my heart..

is it cuz its Dec so i tend to get so moody(or emo some like to say)..i seriously do not know..anyway i sure hope none of u r feeling the same way as me..

thkx to every1 taking time out to read/comment..do tell me what u think of the poem..

Have a great weekend people!

1446

2008-12-01T14:13:00.009+08:00

tHis is how i've been..well almost..

iSnt he gd-looking?..Chen Bo-Lin

come sit with me n watch the world goes by

haunting winter sky-love this pic

tiMe slipping fast..

yUp..i am actually

wAnt a room as such =>

soMe cool nice pics found @deviantArt..go there!..lots n lotsa wonderful pics!!!!...will be postin another poem..maybe..life is a daze actually..yup..U___U;

2245

2008-11-26T22:13:00.003+08:00

gLad to be away from work..even its juz one day..been very frustrated at work since last saturnday..no no im not goin to rant bout it..as it'll bore u to death..haha..U__U;..all i can say is under the working environment of my current job..even if given 10 staff..it wont be enough..and its not so much its so damn busy..and when u show that u r frustrated/pissed off..they say(without knowin u knew) u have attitude problem/bein difficuit..

heres a poem i wrote 3 years ago(omg!!)..think its a very suitable piece..considerin the way im feelin nowadays..so call me emo or whateva shit u want..

lookin 4ward to a new life next year..hopefully all will fall in2 place eventually..freedom comes with one hefty price..ya it sure does..

have a fun fun weekend people!!..=]

Liar N Poseur

Just who do u think u r talking about me like that
havent u heard what goes around comes around
havent u for once thought i'd somehow knew about those lies u say

Just who do u think u r, a saint?
does what u say/do put u a level higher than me
take your lies your hyprocrisy away
cuz i dun need n dun want them
stop shovin those meaningless words of yours into my face
cuz i dun trust u anymore

Masks u have been wearin to deceive all
before long they r goin to fall
who will u run to now
where r u goin to hide now

For all u have said and done
will be hauntin u no end

0011

2008-11-19T23:36:00.003+08:00

He Came

Here i am
dancing in the dark

here i am

dancing with-out my heart

He came

watching me dance

watching me break

over n over

He came

twisted my soul

messing my world

Holding hands

holding me tight

together we dive

Wash away

drown away

this pain

rAined almost the whole day 2day..but i head out anyway..juz to catch a movie wif my friend thats all..watched 'Madagascar 2'..it was a'rite..funny cute..im waitin for this movie by Keanu Reeves 'The day the earth stand still' which will be releasin next month here..have alwaz like Keanu since his 'Speed' movie..hes still lookin so dashing =}..another movie i wana watch is 'Body of lies' by Dicaprio n Crowe..i like their acting..n Dicaprio had grown much..like his new(?) look too..haha..

wrote this poem this afternoon..these words juz pop into my head while i was walkin home from library-'break me over n over'..n that my friend..is how this poem is born..of cz it dun alwaz happen..words knockin my head i mean..at times they go for a long holiday..relaxin themselves while leavin me wonderin'what the hell happen!?'

ok heres a quote..its sad but true..what do u think?..

" The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives.
— Einstein

1559

2008-11-14T15:34:00.004+08:00

Soundwave-=>

Shoot Me

Shoot me in the heart watch it bleed

watch my love bleeds away watch it breaks away

shoot me in the head so i cant think

those thoughts see them flow away with a BANG

shoot me in the eyes so i cant cry

watch my last tear die for u

shoot me juz shoot me to end this misery

shoot me

a pOem i wrote 2 years ago..here i wanna thk every1 for their lovely encouragin comments..my friend used to say not many people will understand my poems..but its gd no?..cz that will mean my poems r unique!..haha..nah juz kiddin..=p..

well i have no idea what to write here..maybe cuz im tire due to work..or juz mentally n physically tire..in the mean-time..njoy Namie Amuro's 'So crazy' mtv..wish i can dance like her..i love this mtv of hers..its kinda interestin seein 2 Namie(s)..each wif her own style..=]

cant wait for Transformers2 2b shown here!!..cuz my fav fav fav Soundwave will be included in the sequel!!..THE JOY!!!!!..i was all smiles when read bout it..haha..I LOVE SOUNDWAVE!!!!!!!!!!...

hAve a fun weekend people!! =D

1525

2008-11-05T14:59:00.002+08:00

Turned Cold

Time freezes
i cant move on
payin for my mistakes
indebts deep

Watch me
turn to ashes
scatter me
into the ocean

Time follows
why am i still here
why is it
i still cant move on

Watchin from above
surreal
watchin from above
rewind repeat

Screamin out loud
silently
screamin
for this to end

wRote this on monday i think..at times feel like im havin writer's block..its liked my poems arent as gd as b4..where my creative hat disappear to?..=[..maybe it had gone for a long long holiday..i duno really..do tell me what u think..

anyway im readin this novel by Luck Hepburn-'Clicking Her Heels'..its rather cute..Amy Marsh(a shoe addict)bf sells her shoes collection on ebay when he mistakenly believes shes 2-timin him..this sends her off around the world to get(buy?)all her shoes back..but it turns out 2b more than a journey of gettin her shoes back..

no i didnt buy this novel..its from the library..there r many interestin novels..as the saying goes'dont judge a book by its cover'..it holds true of cz..its the same as dun be so quick to judge a person by his/her appearance..we dun hav the right to judge any1 anyway agreed?..

oh well..am slowly come to realise i have-no life no friends no love..oh ya do check out dis site-http://kari-shma.tumblr.com/..there r lotsa meaningful quotes n cool nice pictures..=)

1321

2008-11-01T12:53:00.004+08:00

lAst nite's Halloween party was fun..many made the effort to dress up n it was really fun seein so many ghosts(eastern n westen),screamin skeleton masks,monsters etc dancin n tryin to scare people..=>..there was a best costume contest..a guy dressed as the Death angel from the japan anime 'Death Note' was the winner..u can tell he put in alot of effort makin the costume n stuff..what did i dress up as?..myself!!..i figured im scary enough as myself..haha..U__U;..

been thinkin do friendships really last..i know every-one has his/her preferred friends to spend time with..still i cant help feel sad whenever friends(so-called) drift apart..simply ur not the one they prefer to spend time with..when ur not the one they r willin to make the effort to keep the friendship goin..its liked it doesnt matter to them whether u live or die..n the excuse they use?..'busy' of cz..yes they maybe really busy or whatever..but r they?..i have my doupts..yes im tire..very tire..alwaz the one tryin to keep the friendships goin..n yes i wonder do i really have friends..maybe i dun..maybe im fated 2b alone..with no love no nothing...

anyway heres a poem i wrote yesterday..do tell me what u think..cheerio!!

Unmask

Layer by layer

she hides

disguise or protection

shes confused

Lost in those layers of masks

she dons

another one falling

another one reveals

never ending

Who she really is

she doesnt know

trapped in the mirror

is her true self

Or is it

no-one knows

1234

2008-10-31T12:06:00.002+08:00

Fly Away

Turn your back now love

let me go

let me be gone

The sun is coming out soon

my kingdom is calling me home

let me go

let me be gone

Seeing your tears drop breaks my heart

dun cry for me love

smile for me

so i can fly away

knowing u do care

The sun is coming out soon

leave before i start to change

leave so i can fly back home

Turn away with a smile love

let me be gone

gOt the inspiration writin this while listenin to MCR(my chemical romance) very 1st album..their songs then were rather different from their songs now(except for the album-Black Parade)..nevertheless MCR truly inspires me to write poems on other stuff besides broken love/broken hearts..

have no idea what to write here...oh ya goin to a Halloween party wif my friend..think it'd be fun seein how people dress up for halloween..the best thing is..im not workin 2ml!!..so can party the nite away!!..woohoo!!..

hAppy Halloween people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2249

2008-10-24T22:42:00.004+08:00

Part

Breaking apart inside

numb

slowly dying

Breaking apart inside

still

falling further

Breakin apart inside

dead

eyes wide open

Can u hear it

breaking

can u feel me

dying

Do u even care at all

wRote this poem awhile back...do tell me what u think of it..thkx to every-one for their lovely comments n wishes on the previous post..well..njoy the weekend..

1452

2008-10-22T14:27:00.004+08:00

Play Dead

Hook me up on some medication

take me down like a light

have me coming back for more

Paint my nails n lips black

my thinking askew

they put me on some medication

have me coming back for more

Have me on a leash

im submissive

have me on a leash

an uncontrollable mind

Im at wars within myself

cant u see

a battle-field stays in my head

Hearing voices telling me to stop

udo all my evil doings

clasp my hands tightly

rocking slowly

yUp another poem written last year..hmm dun really like the endin bit..but had no idea how to end/edit it..so gonna jz leave it as it is..for now..ya me day off had changed to wed..not knowin y though..maybe it'll change again..after LABO launch..lets wait n see..

finished readin 'Undead n Uneasy'..waitin for the 7th novel..thought that was the last..but somehow the story seem 2b hangin there..m happy knowin its not over..yet..whats the story bout?..its actually a chic-lit vampire series..n its damn damn funny!!..

does any1 believe in fate/past life?..was chattin wif a friend last night n what he said had me thinkin bout fate/past life..i duno mann..its not so much i believe in fate/past life or not..but i cant explain why an event happened over n over..yes if it happen 1-2 times..thats coincidence..but more than 3 times?..do u call it fate then?..what if its true im here to pay back to him what i owned him in our past life?..what if im wrong thinkin dis way?...i really duno..n its seriously messin up my mind...

wOw cant believe dis is my 50th post!!..well thkx to every1 takin time to read n comment..i appreciate it..lots..thank u once again =)..

1439

2008-10-19T14:13:00.004+08:00

fInally can get away from work 2day..had been tiring not havin enough zz past few days..though went clubbin with my friend on friday..but didnt njoy myself..think its time to take a break from clubbing..again..maybe it'd help..maybe not..who knows?..

heres a clip from Youtube..its really hilarious!!..thkx to James for sharing..

Break

Teach me to break away
escape from this pain
away from this hurt

Teach me to break away
so i can join the human race
without a care to this world
away from this hurt

Teach me to break away
and not cry anymore
these tears have drainned me
flood me from within

My heart in your hand
yet i can still feel its pain
teach me to break away

Anybody

a poem i wrote earlier this year..do tell me what u think of it..

'i was invitin..hurry to my heart..'
'he was my night time..thought i was his star..guess i was wrong..'

'only gonna play the fool one time..'-from the song'Go on Gal' by Ne-yo

1406

2008-10-11T13:52:00.004+08:00

Black Parade

Memory deleted face erased

soul captured a band marching on

an orchestra in the night

through the fire down the streets

marching on

carry on

Hear me sing a chill composed in the night

a darkened soul haunting

hear me sing as the orchestra keeps playing

come join me

close your eyes n join me

Under this night

along this path

to a land none heard of

marches on carry on

soul captured

an orchestra in the night

another poem written last year..its scary how time flies..2008 is comin to an end soon..is it jz me or every1 is the same?..i mean do u tenda reflect what hav u done how hav u grown in this time of the year?..i do..n i think alot which isnt very healthy some might say..cuz if ur not careful it can drive u mad!..ya..well i roughly know what i wanna do next year..i may not be happy..but i'll definitively be happy finally havin my own life back..wil be happy finally out of this house..do i sound confusing?..haha..life is a bitch baby!!..oh well..

here i wann thank Mariposa for leavin those lovely comments..she really motivates me to blog..thank u =>..

*i still love u..yes i know this isnt what u wanna hear from me..im sorry*

0202

2008-10-08T01:45:00.003+08:00

bAck from company stupid staff gathering..nothing much..juz had buffet borin games followed by lucky draw..nope urs truly didnt get any prize..my only prizes r the door gift n gd food..yup the food were gd esp the waffles(luv it luv it!) n the japanese food..oh yes the coffee black was gd too..haha..did i njoy myself?..not really..the whole event is juz borin n kinda waste of time..

1530

2008-10-07T14:53:00.003+08:00

iTs true..didnt think any-one would read my blog leave comments..n i have 2 followers!!..dats really wow..thkx to every1 for their lovely comments =)..heres another 2 poems..wrote 'Self' last night b4 i went to lala land wif my sexy pillows.. i juz had this image of me pointin a gun at myself..how weird is that?..'Red teddy' was written last year..my friend used 2 say my poems r diffcult to understand..well it doesnt matter..cuz thats the way poems should be no?..haha..the same goes to drawings n such..its not so much whether any1 gets what ur drivin at..n it really doesnt matter what others think or say or feel bout ur works..dats the beauty of arts n even fashion..both allows u 2b unique..

Red Teddy

Pin her down with your venom

such an innocent child

she has died a thousand times

why cant u see

Ghostly whisperings she hears

incurable disease

cold hands reachin to her heart

shivering she gives in to her fears

Poison by the phantom's knife

slash it over n over

her teddy bear she holds

as cold wind wraps her soul

Another time she is dead

venom in her head

poison by phantom's knife

another time shes flyin high

Self

I stand behind me

with a gun pointin self

what r u gonna do

when i pull the trigger

what will u do

Here i m standin behind me

a swiss army knife in hand

what r u gonna do

when i stab me

what will u do

Movin a step back

have no fear

nothing will stop me

standin behind myself

Movin a step back

where r u goin now

pOems

2008-09-30T16:33:00.002+08:00

Angel In The Night

An angel in the night
sitting waiting
one with broken heart
bleeding screaming

Pool of blood
swimming waiting
feathers on her wing she pluck
smiling rocking

Unrequited love
withering breaking
down the valley
falling twisting

Haunted by fear
an angel in the night
sitting waiting

Drown

Cold as ice u pull me in
without a sound take me down

My eyes met yours filled with tears
scream out loud take me down

Over n over this reply
watch it a thousand times
your hands r stained
take me down

Close the lid eyes wide open
cold as ice
put me down

2 of my past poems i wrote last year 'Angel in the night' n 'Drown'..my gdness its been such a long time i havent put on poem writin cap..is it cuz i had somehow freeze my heart so im unable 2 feel anymore?..i do not know the answer...well more poems comin up...

2318hr

2008-09-28T23:01:00.002+08:00

jUz finished watchin F1..very excitin race..full of twists n turns n dramas..well methink its gd way for the world gettin to know Singapore through this F1 event..many people thought S'pore is in China..*faint*..china is china..s'pore is not in china plz people..though its juz a barely there dot..s'pore isnt in china or anywhere..*sighs*..anyway here r some pics of the F1 1st night race..njoy!

1547hr

2008-09-28T15:21:00.003+08:00

mY weekend off today..went Zouk last night..my gdness Carl Cox was great GREAT GREAT!!!!!!..hes one of my favourite Dj n a great Dj..so its alwaz cool he could drop by our little island to blow us away with his works!..it was very very crowded..maybe cuz due to we r havin the F1 night race so seein alot alot of tourists..the 1st night race n its happenin here in Singapore!..naturally every-one is excitied n those after F1 parties..wow..what can i say..PARTY LIKE A ROCK-STAR MANN!!..hahaha..

lovin this album by Namie Amuro 'Best Fiction'..the songs r rather dance-able..love the beats..'Do Me More','Sexy Girl','Want Me Want Me' r my favourites..below is the MTV of 'Do Me More'..the little gal is so cute!..=)..n those dance moves..wow..

maybe i'll be postin my past poems..do tell me what u think of them ya..used to write poems when im feelin down/upset/angry..havent been writin lately..is it cuz i have freezed my heart unable to feel?..i seriously do not know..

lOst

2008-09-24T00:32:00.002+08:00

mAybe im fated to be alone..suffering heart break after another...maybe im fated not to give out my heart at all..cuz i duno where it is now..but yet i can still feel the pain the confusion the complication...oh yes im smilin laughin a'rite..but does anybody know im not smilin laughin inside?...of cuz not...cuz everyone is too busy......

iN a dAze.....

2008-09-23T00:16:00.003+08:00

wiF Stanley's help..managed to find n bought Tove Janssion's 'A winter's book' from Kino..they have all her novels!..no i havent read it..cuz readin 'Sleeping wif the fishes' by Maryjanice Davidson..shes the author for dat chit-lit-meet-vampire series i mentioned in previous post..'Sleeping wif fishes' is a 2 books series..if im not wrong..i really like how she writes..cuz its gd..shes very gd wif words..

decided to stay in current job..cuz seriously very tire of startin over again n again..yesh the pay isnt gd..but i like the workin hours,the weekend off(s),the OT pay..i have more me-time to do my stuff(though i hav no idea what!)..n i juz needa..no..i MUST cut down on my spendin..find other ways n means to enjoy/relax myself..i suppose...

oH well..the state of my mind hasnt been clear since 2 weeks ago..it got 'worst' after last friday night..seems like im livin in a daze..most of the time...

cOlours

2008-09-18T01:15:00.002+08:00

lOve these dolls's hair colour!!!!!!!!!..oh mann wish my hair colour is equally so nice n cool..havent been colourin my hair for ages now..stick to black colour..but realise its slowly changin to brown..weird..

n i cant get enough of ArtnGhosts blog..her art works r truly really gd..hauntin dark cute impressive..the above paintings r done by her too...

iNwards

2008-09-16T22:29:00.006+08:00

sEe anything strange in the 1st pic?..theres no reflection in the mirror..when im lookin at the 2nd pic i see different faces everytime..n i dun mean the little gal's face..hmm dun u think shes not closin her eyes but lookin down-wards?..

been followin this wonderful blog ArtnGhosts..its a very talented artist's blog..there r alot of cool dark(sometimes) art works..n her works do make u think/feel..at least i do...eg the art work where the gal is walkin 2wards the house..it seems to me she is lost n though the house is juz bside her..she cant seem to see it..n shes a great writer too...from her blog i gotten know gd stories..n i really wana look out for those books she recommended...had already tried 2 book stores..but alas they r not bringin in these books..so..booboo..hav to try my luck in other book stores...

bsides ArtnGhost am followin Childhood flame-a fashion blogger shes only 15 but a great dresser..n she DIY her clothings..though most of her clothings r basics..shes really gd in mix matchin them up..wif the right shoes n accessiores..

Strawberry Kisses, Cupcake,Daydream Lily,Little Paper Planesr few of the blogs that have been keepin me busy/thinkin recently..im glad to find them actually..n most pro i'd find more gd blogs....

cAt n sHeep

2008-09-10T23:00:00.003+08:00

sOme pics from blogs im readin..esp luv the cat n sheep..so cute ^^..managed to find Bat For Lashes ablum 'Fur n Gold'..their music is rather hauntin..n the lead vocalist voice really suit their music.. best to listen to it at night..where one's mood tenda be more drawn to the unknown..or tenda be more mess up..hmmmm...
anyw off to read my fav vampire series 'Undead n unpopluar'..countin down..5 more workin days til my day off...

N they say.......

2008-09-09T23:21:00.003+08:00

few real cool images i found from those blogs i been followin lately...

fOund this band 'Bat For Lashes' from a blog i've been readin lately..lov dis song 'Horse n I'..its hauntin beautiful..hopefully able to find their ablum in HMV..

day off 2day..didnt do anything..cut another old pair of jeans again..haha..wanted to go Bugis street see see look look but decided not to go in the end...am jz 2 lazy..anyw am happy happy FINALLY found dat funny vampire series i've been lookin for in the library!..i thought 1 can borrow more than 4 books..nope..only 4 books..damn!!..

its weird n funny my friends said i've toned down on my image(?)..is dat the word for it?..they said i used 2b punk rock style(hence the nick rocker jen =p)..they were rather shocked when they saw me..'omg wha happen to u?!' was their 1st sentence..ahahahaha..2b honest i duno hav i tone down or not..but i gues its my hair dat make them think so..used to colour my hair n used 2b short spikey n all..but now its black(brown?) straight..am tryin to grow my hair n see how it'll turn out 2b like..well like what my friends said i've become more muji now..ahahahahaha..duh..U__u;

jAp wave

2008-09-02T22:49:00.007+08:00

wAs way too lazy to go out 2day even though its my day off..so jz stayed at home watched my fav anime 'Cardcaptor Sakura' series wif Muji snack...didnt really do anything(was 2 lazy remember?..U_u;)..but 're-created' my two pairs of wide legged old jeans..haha!!..havent wear them for awhile but they r 2 comfy to giv away..so i cut off the length on both..n cut some designs on them too..wel the end results aint too bad..n im quite please wif meself..might b goin to 're-create' my tops next week..i duno..see how my mood goes.. oh ya..thinkin of buyin Dr Marten boots..hav 2 see how oso..

as promise heres 2 mtvs by japanese singer-Namie Amuro n LunarSea a disbanded japanese group..njoy!!

tAlented Japanese

2008-09-02T00:20:00.005+08:00

lOss for words when watchin dis awesome clip..these japanese kids r really very talented/creative!..am most impressed by the 1st group of gals..they r truly gd..i wonder how many hours of pratice these kids put in...

Utada Hikaru..my all-time fav japanese singer..these 3 songs r from her old album 'Deep River'..do check out her mtv..esp on 'Travelling' n 'Sakura Drops'..

F.L.I.p n a poem-Empty Shell

2008-08-19T01:11:00.004+08:00

sOme1 told me once 'when ur so sad n u cant shed a single tear..dats the day u start to feel numb..dats the day u hav reached the xteme end of bein sad'..i used to think how can one not cry when one is sad?..but now i finally understand...cz it happened to me...

seein dat my so-called friends arent willin to listen arent willin to meet(remember i mentioned they r sick of me bein upset over some guy?)..i started to keep whatever sadness i hav inside ever since..the final blow came 2wks ago...when i couldnt shed 1 single tear...n i thought i was goin to cry for hours...its liked i dun feel cant feel anything...its liked i lost the ability to feel...its liked my heart my soul had left..n all im left wif...is an empty shell..will u teach me how to cry?......

Empty Shell

Heart in your hand u crashed
drop it like u do not care
break it like u do not care
walk away keep on walkin away

An empty shell u left
to become numb
is this how u want me to
walk away keep on walkin away

My tears had given up on me
sadness no longer visit me
a hollow shell is me
walk away keep on walkin away

Tears heart soul
u taken away
empty shell
becomes me

7 ate 9

2008-08-05T00:06:00.003+08:00

nO i didnt say i dun wan 2b in a long term relationship..i jus dun wan 2b in one when i hav no romantic feelings for some1..yes i know feelings can be develop..cal me stubborn or whaever..when i dun hav feelings mean i dun hav..its not so much not wantin to giv myself or other(s) a chance..i jus dun wana force a r/s..yes i know many say im too picky..m i?..when i love some1 i giv my ALL..its no gd i know..cz i hurt myself very easily like dat..

its not i dun wan 2b in a r/s....i do....

.....pu tuhs

2008-07-31T00:49:00.002+08:00

i gues almost every1 is sick n tire of me alwaz bein upset over some guy..me alwaz dis way is makin them avoid/ignore talkin to me..b it on-line or sms..its either they say they r busy..or they simply dun reply me..no i dun think im bein sensitive here..its rather obvious when others avoid/ignore talkin to u or whatever..

i suppose now its best i juz shut up..keep whaeva im upset bout(whether its work or over some guy) to myself..jz shut up..since none is willin to listen anymore....